Dear Miss Single,
I was sitting at the airport, after my flight got delayed by 7 hours. I was trying to fill time and I went outside and laid on a bench near a lawn. That’s when I started talking to a woman sitting near me.
Somehow the topic about girls (especially in their young 20’s) came up and we talked about their tendency to give too much control to guys. As the movie “How to Be Single” puts it, it’s “dick-sand” (pardon the vulgar language), it’s like quicksand. We get attention from a guy and all of a sudden we invest all of ourselves in him and lose ourselves in the process.
When I think about it, almost every single one of my girlfriends has been through it. I have. The more I think about it, in those cases the guy always broke up with them leaving the girl asking, why?
The hardest part of my entire journey was letting go completely.
What if he comes back? What if he becomes the guy I always wanted him to be? What if he finds someone new? Why her? Why not me? What if I never find someone better?
I won’t lie. These thoughts still creep in my mind occasionally. The truth is, these thoughts are lies which your own enemy tricks you into believing is true. After a lot of crying, yelling, restless nights, partying, and many mistakes…
I finally surrendered. I got on my knees, started crying, and began to pray.
I still don’t know why certain relationships didn’t work. But for the first time in my life I can say I’m grateful they didn’t. I was so co-dependent on these guys. I needed to hear them call me beautiful, in order to feel beautiful. Sometimes I didn’t believe I was beautiful even when they said it. I obsessively exercised to be the “hottest ex” he’s ever had. I would treat good guys mean to push them away.
Being ripped apart from the guys I loved, forced me to turn to God. We are all created to be perfectly imperfect. When we believe and truly know how special and valued we are, that inner joy, peace, and beauty shines from the inside out. People will notice there’s something different about you. I once read,” Negative people attract negative people. Positive people attract positive people.” The more you know who you are and respect yourself, the more you’ll know what you want in a man and the more he will respect you.
It’s easier said than done. It takes a lot of self-discipline, belief, faith, trust, and hope. It’s okay to hope you’ll end up with the “perfect guy.” It’s also important to embrace and love yourself. Sometimes we get so caught up in the idea of how life is supposed to be and we miss the beauty in front of us. It’s like you’re looking for Superman in the sky, but you’re missing the white puffy clouds, birds chirping, the pink and purple sunset, etc.
Every night you watch for Superman. One day he comes and asks you about life before him. What will you remember? What will you be able to say? What will you have learned?
Sometimes we can’t explain why things don’t work. But we need to trust and believe it’s going to be okay. We need to accept and cherish life for what it is. Not for what it could be because maybe this is what it’s supposed to be like. You’re only going to get this exact moment once in your life. Enjoy it, because once it’s gone you’ll never get it back. Then, and only then, you can embrace the next journey… and the next … and the next. Don’t miss out on life. Love yourself. Love others. Forgive. Accept. I promise while you’ll still have hard days, you’ll be the happiest you’ve ever been.